


Secrets on the Pillow

by alba17



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Female Character of Color, Romance, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-08
Updated: 2014-04-08
Packaged: 2018-01-18 15:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1434085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alba17/pseuds/alba17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For scripps' comment_fic prompt, after the way Mary used her, Tosh is cautious but meets someone wonderful and trustworthy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secrets on the Pillow

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SamuelJames](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamuelJames/gifts).



Tosh was fragile for a long time after Mary. She’d trusted her, for some unknown reason; it hadn’t taken much for Tosh to open up to her. So when the truth came out, it hurt; every cell, every part of her, strong and pulsing. She should have known better, but it had been so long since someone had shown her affection. She was like a bud in spring, the sun coaxing her open. And when she did, trusting Mary, letting her in, letting her stay over in her flat, the morning finding them entwined and affectionate, the truth was a sharp knife, flaying her open to the unpleasant truth. She couldn’t have Mary; she was an alien with an agenda. She didn’t love Tosh and it hurt. Letting her in was a mistake and it cost her. 

When would she learn? 

In many ways, Torchwood was no different than the UNIT prison. She could flex her intellectual muscles, but when it came to love, the cost was high. Sure, Jack could commiserate, tell her everything would be okay, it could happen to anyone, but she knew better. It was probably her, she wasn’t like other people, she invited this sort of thing. Mary turned out to be an alien, one who wanted to kill and maim, achieve her goal. And it didn’t include Tosh, who turned out to be just a cog in the machine, someone of whom to take advantage, whose desires didn’t count.

It was sad and it hurt. 

But it was better than the dark, cold cell where Jack had found her. Anything was, compared to that and this was nothing when you thought about it. She’d forge ahead and forget Mary, forget her kisses and the feel of her fingertips on her skin, the way their bodies fit together so perfectly. It hadn’t been real and she needed to forget it.

But it was hard.

And then she met Lil. Lil was lightness and air, a laugh that didn’t end. Her touch made Tosh melt and they became close immediately. Lil was the sister she never had, the mother she yearned for, the friend whose touch sent sparks down Tosh’s limbs. 

Tosh never told her anything about Torchwood. It was hard to hide something that was so important, but she managed, despite Lil’s melting brown eyes and tender caresses. 

Torchwood was verboten. No matter how much she wanted to share her life, she knew she couldn’t. It wasn’t allowed.

Nonetheless Lil still smiled when they were in bed, and laughed at Tosh’s jokes. She told her about the guys in her office, the girls with whom she went out for drinks after work, her landlady who kept too close an eye on her, asking about whether she had a boyfriend yet.

Tosh laughed when appropriate, pleased to be included in Lil’s life, but sad that she couldn’t share her own.

On night, after they’d made love, Lil looked into her eyes. She cradled Tosh’s face with hand and said, “You don’t have to tell me. I know you have secrets. And they’re probably really important. That’s why I’m not going to ask you.” Her fingers caressed Tosh’s cheek. “Just…I know. And it’s okay. You don’t have to tell me anything.”

Tosh swallowed. Lil was so beautiful, her hair honey gold against the pillow and her eyes a deep chestnut. She sighed. “It’s okay. You’re right. I can’t tell you. Where I work is…very secret. It’s stressful but it’s satisfying. I feel like I’m doing good, helping people. But I can’t tell you about it.”

“I know. It’s okay. Just… know that I love you, all right? No matter what.”

Tosh looked into her eyes and she knew it was true. Lil would love her no matter what and Tosh didn’t have to tell her anything about Torchwood. She buried her face in Lil’s neck. “That makes me so happy,” she said.


End file.
